i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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