I've blown a few things in my day
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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