I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
