We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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