Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
