hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
