You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
