oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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