Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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