you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
