how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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