Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A+ Viking dick
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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