party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
