Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you still have your period?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
