Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
