Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
