My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
