An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
