alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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