i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
