My first STD was from a foam party
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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