He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
