That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
