Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
