U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
