it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
