ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
