Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
