well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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