i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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