So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
