i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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