i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
