Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
