so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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