I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
