Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
