WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
