you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The Olympian is in my bed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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