I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
