In the future we'll all be gay
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
