Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
