my phone cant type all the emotion im having
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
