I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
