Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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