Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
