in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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