Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
