Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
