yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
