I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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